Connecting the Drops
Healing Umbrella therapist Amy Eller LPC-MHSP (she/her) reflects on how trauma reminders have become the “raindrops” connecting coping strategies, tools, and her own therapy approach.
Sipping my morning coffee and watching, through my office window, as the bright yellow school buses pass by, I’m reminded that the little jolts are still there. How quickly that familiar shape, those yellow and black colors, transport you back in time. Softened but reminders still. Maybe the reality of someone’s today or the more recent and fresh memories of many. And, then I think of the drops. Raindrops, rather. The corner of my mouth turns to a slight smile. Some tears swell.
Call it daydreaming, mind-wandering, dissociating, surviving. Reader’s choice. I discovered a path to today. My friends, my “go to” raindrops. No matter the difficulty of the moment. Originating, most commonly, on the school bus or in the back seat of my family’s car. When darkness would linger even in the daylight. Sadness. That ache deep in your belly prompting you to want to curl up in a ball. Aware of the whispers or the sounds easy to hear. Any of these things. All of the things.
The raindrops. On the window. Still, then jumping, diagonally, separate, together. Slowly creeping, then a stream. One big blob. Then separate again. Merging, dancing. The scent of the window frame. The sound of the rainfall. Watching. Breathing. Sometimes a giggle, amusement. Forgetting the tears. Lost in time.
Then, came my thought. Someday, it will be a different moment, my created moment, when I’m seeing these drops. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Next week. Next year. How old will I be in five years? Ten years? The rain will still fall. The scent of the window might be the same. But the moment will be more tolerable, lighter. I want to experience that moment. This one too. I can be here. We can go there. The raindrops and me. And so, we did. Quite honestly, we still do.
Later, the world would tell me these were called “awe” moments, cognitive distractions, calming thoughts. Relaxation techniques, workbooks, apps, many tools to follow. Trying some on for size in my own work. As a therapist, encouraging clients to find the tools that help them “connect the drops”. Sometimes, that one simple, innate observation can serve us for a lifetime. For our reader, maybe it is in nature, artwork, ceiling tiles, music. Maybe this reminded you of something you had forgotten? I sometimes wonder if a big mistake in growing up is forgetting or dismissing the wisdom we knew as a child.
Fast forward to today. Somedays being a part of the Healing Umbrella is more than my mind can comprehend. The irony of the name. It’s that humble awareness that we are all, in the words of Ram Dass, “…just walking each other home”. Sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know. Other times, we didn’t know that maybe we knew all along.
Amy is a Healing Umbrella therapist serving the LGBTQ+ community and specializing in trauma and couples’ work. She enjoys working with all humans but has found a connection with self-proclaimed introverts, individuals seeking a highly interactive therapy experience, and “old souls” no matter the age of the package.